If you read my blog or have interacted with me over the past year, you likely are aware that I fight a battle with chronic pain every day. That battle has been proving more difficult as each day passes. I am never pain free, haven’t been for over 8 years. The pain increases often, making it ten times worse than the normal pain I am in all the time. When those bouts of pain spikes happen, they can last for an hour to weeks.
Right now I am struggling to keep fighting. Every day I wake up I have to put on my game face, try to manage simple tasks and accept defeat when my pain is too much for me. I’ve come to look at my pain as my worse enemy, my constant adversary. This adversary wants to defeat me, and often it does. It robs me of many of my simple pleasures in life. I am unable to draw, animate, paint or take photographs in real life. This is due to the fact my pain doesn’t allow me to move in the same way I used to, and my hands shake horribly to the point I drop things often.
It is a difficult journey for it often feels as if I am fighting against myself. For how do you fight that which is housed within your own being? Battling ones self is indescribably heartbreaking and it takes great willpower to keep lifting your head off the battlefield.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I needed to get it out, I needed to express it in some way. So I did it visually as best that I could today during a high pain bout. They are not the best images, but they express what I am feeling. I am a fighter, and despite the fact my pain often wins, I will never let it completely defeat me.
Fighter
Fighter
What Pain (Chance 1) Is Wearing:
Skin-Belleza Jakob Tan
Eyes-Mayfly Deep Sky Mesh Eye (Morning Sea)
Ears-AITUI (Type 2) Stretched Ear – Human – 1/2″
Hairbase-Entente B&W Midnight
Facial Hair- Entente Facial Hair B – Beard Deux – Black – Hair & -EMORTAL CONCEPTS~Facial Hair Tattoo~BLK Chin Curtain
Hair-Entente Thibaut Hair
Shorts-PHILO Harvester Sweat Pants – Crimson
Socks-Maitreya Scrunched PrimSocks * White
Gloves-Roosters Bloodied Wraps
Shoes-Entente L’Equipe Kicks
What I Am Wearing:
Skin-Belleza Jakob Tan
Eyes-Mayfly Deep Sky Mesh Eye (Morning Sea)
Ears-AITUI (Type 2) Stretched Ear – Human – 1/2″
Hairbase-Entente B&W Midnight
Facial Hair- Entente Facial Hair B – Beard Deux – Black – Hair
Boxing Gloves & Helmet-Evillast by Fade Dana
Suspenders-RezIpsa Loc Suspenders Brick Red
Shorts-RONSEM Jersey Half / gray
Boots-League Shin Boot
Body Bruises-Coca & Wolf
Facial Bruises-Sin Alley Bruised eye and busted cheek
Poses-STAKEY ,Diesel Works
Feb 23rd, 2012 3:20 am
